.

Ask Mike

  1. How is Koreen After the "Liberation" treatment for CCSVI
  2. What Do You Think of This Fall's TV Lineup
  3. Why do people send e-mails that are hoaxes?
  4. Why don't you ask questions?
  5. Why did people stop asking questions?
  6. Should hyphens be removed once a word is commonly used?
  7. Who's Good and Bad on Heroes?
  8. Why do you not care about your mobile clients?
  9. Should the Goldman's profit from OJ's Book?
  10. Where is Adam Bell?
  11. What did I miss?
  12. Coffee at Williams
  13. Where is the Internet going?
  14. Which tv shows relate to which people?
  15. How much do you make from Google Ads?
  16. Are you supposed to click on notes in Facebook to see the whole entry?
  17. Can RAID I Be Done With Software?
  18. Are you interested in FREE PORN MOVIES?
  19. How influential are you?
  20. Why do we eat pancakes on "Pancake Tuesday"?
  21. What is President's Day?
  22. What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?
  23. How many jokes do you have on your website?
  24. Can I use smoke signals to contact people?
  25. Have the questions slowed down because we know all the answers?
  26. Why have the questions slowed down?
  27. How does God's Book of Life fit in with our free will? ... and other questions
  28. Why can't I tune into FM station over cable?
  29. What are your plans and aspirations for the new year?
  30. Where can I get a good comparison of the different computer processors?
  31. What has happened to Juan?
  32. Am I contributing to international crime?
  33. How do I bring cigars back from Cuba?
  34. Why is there a cut-off time for planes to arrive in Pearson airport?
  35. How fast would Carole need to drive her scooter to clear a two step drop?
  36. What has happened to Tone Loc?
  37. What is the recipe for Christmas candy?
  38. Is it true that it's only the left-handed people who are in their right minds?
  39. Is it me?
  40. Where did I leave my keys?
  41. How do Canadians afford to live when they get taxed up the wazoo?
  42. How do I answer "Does this make me look fat"?
  43. What is the right response when your wife asks you 'Do I look fat?'
  44. What can I do about my shop-a-holic wife?
  45. Who is God?
  46. Why do people use the word 'irregardless'?
  47. How does the Internet work?
  48. Why do I get spam and how do I avoid it?

Submit a question

How is Koreen After the "Liberation" treatment for CCSVI


Question:
How's Koreen?
Posted: Gary Johnson Sep 6 2010 10:40AM

Answer:
Koreen went to Germany and had the "Liberation" treatment for CCSVI (a condition that is theoretically linked to MS). She had the procedure on Friday, September 3, 2010 (4 days ago). She has a few noticeable improvements. We can see that the following has improved:
- fatigue
- swallowing/choking
- bladder
- increased strength on her right side
- speech

So far, the improvements haven't been dramatic, but in Koreen's condition, these improvements are fantastic! She will probably continue to improve.

Thanks for the question.

What Do You Think of This Fall's TV Lineup


Question:
Hi Mike,



Any input into this year's fall lineup? Have you watched Knight Rider? 90210?



Thanks
Posted: TV Stevie Sep 27 2008 9:07AM

Answer:
Well, maybe it's because I watch so much TV and have seen the same old shows recycled over and over again but I'm not very excited about the new shows this fall. I would've watched Knight Rider if they started with the series right after the made-for-tv movie last season, but now I'm just not interested anymore. 90210? I used to watch the first series and every time I watched it, I'd ask myself, "Why do I watch this show?". I won't be making that mistake with this new series.

Other than that, there's no new programs that I have even been aware of. I think my TV schedule is full. I will tell you that I'm sad to see ER go - it's still one of the best shows on TV. In the opener, my favourite character was killed off.

That's about all the input I have - seems like a boring season of TV (other than some of my existing favourites like House, Heroes, Lost, etc.).

Why do people send e-mails that are hoaxes?


Question:
Why do people forward emails that say they are true and verified by www.snopes.com, when the emails are neither true, nor verified by snopes.com? And what is a polite way (other than asking this question on your website) to get those who send those emails to stop?
Posted: Igor Shmigolo Aug 22 2008 10:21AM

Answer:
Hmm, very good question. I get many of those e-mails myself. As soon as I see "This is true" or "I verified this on snopes.com", I think "Yeah, right".

I think people send these e-mails because the majority of people aren't critical thinkers. People view 'skeptics' as pessimists or cynics when, in fact, skeptics are just scientifically-minded. Being 'scientifically-minded' to me, means believing anything is possible, but that Occam's Razor (the simplest explanation is the correct one) holds true 99.9% of the time. It also means that before you believe something, you need to see compelling evidence.

When someone gets a message that says that little Billy will die if they don't forward this message to everyone they know, they often don't analyze it enough to determine if it is true or not. When I get one of these e-mails, I simply delete it. By Occam's razor (as stated above) it is junk. If it is not junk, I'll see it on the news and find it again anyway (but I'm quite certain that will never happen).

To answer your question as to the polite way to get these people to stop, I think you should just do what I do - simply delete the message. These messages are designed to generate a lot of e-mail traffic and a response to the sender will partly accomplish that (especially if he/she sends a correction e-mail, which will generate more correction e-mails, etc.). As a public service, though I am asking you all to stop sending these e-mails.

Why don't you ask questions?


Question:
I have an idea Mike. Why don't YOU ask the questions and the readers will answer you.
Posted: Donna Jun 12 2008 10:10AM

Answer:
because I know everything!

Why did people stop asking questions?


Question:
Hi Mike. My question is...why did everyone stop asking questions? Was it because you gave bad advice?
Posted: Anne Onomis Jun 9 2008 10:00PM

Answer:
The short answer is 'yes' - I gave bad advice. People were expecting either very insightful, informative answers or witty responses that would make them laugh.

I guess I failed on both counts. Blame Noel - it was his idea for this feature of my website ;) Actually blame the questioners - some of the questions were pretty lame. OK, so I insulted myself, my readers and Noel - anyone else to insult? LOL

Should hyphens be removed once a word is commonly used?


Question:
Knuth says that using a hyphen in a word like e-mail can be dropped once the word is widely used (so, now it should be email). Likewise for non-zero or soft-ware.



Do you agree?
Posted: The Halifax Mafia Dec 2 2007 8:00PM

Answer:
Well, I'm no expert, but since language adapts to culture and the knowledge of the day, it seems that the hyphen should be dropped. When e-mail first came out, people didn't know what it was, so the "e" needed to be stressed. Words are simply aggregations of shorter words, prefixes and suffixes. So, "e" could be stated to be the common prefix meaning "electronic". If that all makes sense, feel free to drop the hyphen.

Who's Good and Bad on Heroes?


Question:
Is the horned rimmed glasses guy on Heroes good or bad? What about the boyfriend of the cheerleader? And what about the guy who hired Suresh? Who's good and who's bad?
Posted: Steve Oct 26 2007 11:56AM

Answer:
Good question. No one really knows. Even the writers probably haven't decided yet. They probably left their characters morally ambiguous for now to make it more dramatic. We have seen each of the characters that you mentioned as both good and bad. We'll have to wait and see.

Why do you not care about your mobile clients?


Question:
Hi Mike, Why is it that facebook, yahoo, and wikipedia have all created mobile versions of their website and you have not? Sometimes I don't see your jokes for a few days at a time. Oh, and you could also have people sign up for mobile alerts too. Like when new content is added.



Thanks


Posted: techno nerd Oct 7 2007 6:27PM

Answer:
I care very much about my mobile clients. You could subscribe to the RSS feeds on my site and be notified when changes occur. In the meantime, I will sacrifice sleep so that I can develop a proper strategy for mobile clients.

Should the Goldman's profit from OJ's Book?


Question:
I'm not sure if you watched today's Oprah show or not - but I'm very curious to know your thoughts about the OJ Simpson book "If I Did It". Do you think the Goldmans were right to take over the publication of the book (and therefore profit from it)?
Posted: Anonymously Sep 13 2007 6:05PM

Answer:
No, I didn't see it. I think no one should profit from a book like that. The Goldman's should forget about OJ. If they stay involved with OJ's life, it will just destroy them. What he did - he deserves the death penalty for, but there's no sense wasting so much energy thinking about him.

Where is Adam Bell?


Question:
Where is Adam Bell?
Posted: Anonymously Aug 31 2007 12:30PM

Answer:
He's hiding. There's a group set up on Facebook called "Searchng For Adam Bell". Adam found out about this and is now concerned that this obsessive search for him would be problematic. So, he's in a "witness protection" type program. You WILL not find him.

What did I miss?


Question:
Ok, I'll bite. What did I miss?



Curious
Posted: George Jun 14 2007 11:01PM

Answer:
See, that's why you have to come to breakfast! There is quite a bit you missed, but mostly 2 of the guys talking in graphic detail about an embarassing incident. They spoke loud enough that people at other tables could hear and it wasn't something people usually discuss out loud like that. Nevertheless, it was one of the funniest conversations I've ever heard. I laughed so hard my sides hurt.

Coffee at Williams


Question:
Anybody who didn't enjoy today's coffee at Williams will not fit into this regularly meeting group. It was not to be missed today boy. I loved it!
Posted: Gary W Johnson Jun 8 2007 6:33PM

Answer:
I guess there's no real question here, but yes, it was hilarious!

See what happens when you get uninhibited people with challenging issues in their lives?

Where is the Internet going?


Question:
Where is all this Internet thing going to go? Facebook, RSS, mash-ups, offline browsers, smaller devices, recording video on phones ... what will it all look like in 2017?


Posted: Nostradamus May 6 2007 11:39PM

Answer:
You mean after the asteriod hits the Earth? Oh no, that's not until a few hundred thousand years from now.

Since the Internet is a way to facilitate communication and the transfer of knowledge, people will have their entire lives recorded on video and other's will be able to watch everything a person does at any time.

The only scary part is ugly people showering.

Which tv shows relate to which people?


Question:
So which tv shows relate to which people?
Posted: Steve Apr 22 2007 9:39PM

Answer:
Sorry, that information is strictly confidential ;)

How much do you make from Google Ads?


Question:
How much money are you raking in from the Google Ad's on this site?
Posted: Revenue Canada Apr 20 2007 10:37PM

Answer:
Well, I've made $5.73 in the last seven months. That's about three cents a day! At the end of the year, I will mail you a check for a dollar!

Are you supposed to click on notes in Facebook to see the whole entry?


Question:
Why when you (I'm referring to YOU, Mike) import a note onto facebook, does it only display a part of the first sentence? Is it supposed to be like that? Are people supposed to click on the link to see the original post, or is the rest of your note actually missing by accident on facebook? Just wondering.....
Posted: Mari-Lynn Apr 18 2007 2:43PM

Answer:
Actually, these notes that you are reading are imported blog entries. They regularly check my website to see if there has been changes. When a new entry appears, it automatically shows up in Facebook. The mechanism used is RSS (Really Simple Syndication). The way I set up my feed is to display only the title and the description.

So, the short answer is - Yes, to see the entire note you need to click on it to go to my website.

Can RAID I Be Done With Software?


Question:
Is there such a thing as Raid 1 that can be done with software rather than hardware.
Posted: Bill Gates Apr 8 2007 8:02PM

Answer:
Raid - you mean "Kills bugs dead!"? Oh, you mean a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Drives?

Good news! Windows XP Pro implements this in the operating system. Check out this excellent article. It walks you through the steps and the pros and cons. It's an old article, but I think it is still supported. Some of the comments have said that there were problems mirroring the disks, but there are also links to other articles if you cannot get mirroring working.

Good luck.

Are you interested in FREE PORN MOVIES?


Question:
Are You interesting in FREE PORN MOVIES? You are welcome :)

Posted: FREE PORN MOVIES Mar 11 2007 11:06AM

Answer:
Wow, an actual spammer trying to initiate real contact with the outside world! (The link he provided was intentionally deleted by me.) Thank you so much for your question; it is very considerate of you. The simple answer is "No, I'm not".

Now, I have some questions for you:

  1. What's wrong with you?
  2. Is it curable?
  3. Is it contagious?
  4. Is your mother proud of you?
  5. Did you get enough affection as a child?
  6. How often do you leave your bachelor's apartment? Or, do you still live with Mommy?
  7. Are you "high-functioning"? Would people realize you have a problem?
  8. I see your IP Address comes from Korea, are you using an Anonymizer? (Remember to practice safe spam)
  9. Do you get anyone giving you money for this crap?
  10. You don't have to state your age, but are you older than 10?


I guess that's all I have for now. Thanks again for the link that nobody will see!

How influential are you?


Question:
How influential are you?
Posted: Anonymously Feb 25 2007 10:36AM

Answer:
It blows the mind how influential I am. Sometimes, I can't even believe it myself. I have mastered the subtle art of manipulation through reverse psychology. If you read my Rabbit Season entry, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Some examples:

  1. If I want a dog to stay sitting, I just shout "Come! Come!". The dog will just sit there as I originally intended.
  2. If my wife asks me, "What top should I wear - red or green?". If I want red, I simply say, "Definitely green!". "Red it is!"
  3. If I DON'T want any donations for my wife, I simply say click here to sponsor her. Guess what? No clicks! (I'll bet you didn't even click this link).
  4. If I don't want to lend a book to someone, I just say "You have to read this book!". The book will definitely stay on my shelf.


This very powerful technique is SO powerful. It works without a hitch. I think I changed my mind though, I think I'd like donations to help cure MS - so, PLEASE under NO circumstances click this link to sponsor my wife. I'm sure the donations will come fast and furious now!

Why do we eat pancakes on "Pancake Tuesday"?


Question:
Hi,

Me again. On a similar topic - Do you happen to know why we eat pancakes on "Shrove Tuesday" or "Pancake Tuesday"? I just had pancakes with my parents this past Tuesday, and realized that I don't really know why we eat pancakes on that particular day.

Hope you can help!
Posted: Mari-Lynn Feb 24 2007 4:25PM

Answer:
Shrove Tuesday is the term used to refer to the day after Shrove Monday and before Ash Wednesday (the season of Lent begins on Ash Wednesday).

This day is also known as Pancake Day or Pancake Tuesday, because it is customary to eat pancakes on this day. Some people may also know this day as Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday).

The reason that pancakes are associated with the day preceding Lent is that the 40 days of Lent form a period of fasting, during which only the plainest foods may be eaten. Therefore, rich ingredients such as eggs, milk, and sugar are disposed of immediately prior to the commencement of the fast. Pancakes are an efficient way of using up these perishable goods.

What is President's Day?


Question:
Hi Mike,

I know that this past Monday was President's Day in the United States. Do you know what they are celebrating? I've always wondered what in particular the holiday is for - or perhaps it is just an excuse to have another day off work...

I hope you are able to help me with this one!
Posted: Mari-Lynn Feb 24 2007 4:23PM

Answer:
Thank you! Finally someone with a question! :)

President's Day is the federal holiday officially designated as Washington's Birthday. It is celebrated on the third Monday of February. Originally, the holiday was celebrated on Washington's actual birthday, February 22. January 1, 1971 the holiday was shifted to the third Monday in February by the Uniform Monday Holiday Act (in other words, so people could get long weekends!)

I hope this helps and thanks for bringing this forum back to life!

What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?


Question:
What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?
Posted: Steve Feb 20 2007 5:00PM

Answer:
Well, I don't know. What I find funny changes from day to day. Here are some of my favourite jokes (click on the links):
  1. Physics Exam
  2. Carjacking
  3. Half A Head Of Lettuce
  4. Bonus Question

How many jokes do you have on your website?


Question:
Mike,

How many jokes do you have on your website?

Thanks
Posted: Eddie Murphy Feb 1 2007 1:13PM

Answer:
Well, as my blog entry for today says, I now have exactly 1000 jokes. A week from now I will have 1007 and a week after that I will have 1014. If you were to ask, "How many funny jokes do you have?", my answer would be "almost 1000".

Can I use smoke signals to contact people?


Question:
What's the best way to contact people if you don't have a phone or internet connection? How far can you see smoke signals? I keep sending them, but get no response.
Posted: Miss Zurry Jan 31 2007 5:07PM

Answer:
Due to pollution, atmospheric gases and clouds, smoke signals are probably not your best way to contact people. If I were you, I would buy a pen, some paper and some stamps and do what they did thousands of years ago - use "snail mail".

If you decide to join the 21st century, there is a myriad of choices available including:
- telephone
- voice cell phone
- text cell phone
- Internet Messaging
- e-mail
- etc.

Good luck with your choice!

Have the questions slowed down because we know all the answers?


Question:
Could the questions have slowed down because 'we' now know 'all' the answers? Hhmmm?
Posted: Mom Jan 19 2007 3:04PM

Answer:
No, definitely not. (ha ha - no insult to you)

We haven't 'cured' the common cold.

We can't rid the world of prejudice.

People believe really weird things.

Two people can watch the same movie and one will think it is the funniest thing they have ever seen and the other will think it is the dumbest thing they have ever seen.

The war in Iraq has no end in sight.

Global warming is a major problem despite the fact that the average person could do a lot to help stop it.

People still fall for pyramid-type schemes and multi-level marketing (obviously not people that can do the math).

We can't put an end to poverty and sickness in the world.

People still get its/it's, there/their, too/to wrong.

HD DVD or BlueRay?

Windows or Linux?

My point is, people should STILL be asking a LOT of questions.

Why have the questions slowed down?


Question:
Hi Mike.

Why have the questions slowed down? There used to be several questions each week. What happened?
Posted: Joe Blow Jan 18 2007 6:28PM

Answer:
There are a few reasons for this:

1) My sarcasm has scared some of the potential questioners off
2) Some of the answers have been pretty lame (but what do you expect, some of the questions were lame - lol)
3) Most importantly, the most frequent questioner has been really busy lately


How does God's Book of Life fit in with our free will? ... and other questions


Question:
Sorry for the multiple questions, but I can't sleep.

If all of our actions are written in God's Book of Life what does this mean with respect to Free Will? Why did God make over 350,000+ species of beetle and just one human (seems to me he likes beetles more than us humans)? How did Noah gather and organize all these beetles on the Ark?

Oh, and it hurts when I pee.

Any ideas?
Posted: Sandman Jan 9 2007 10:27PM

Answer:
Well, I would say that you are pretty arrogant if you think you can change God's master plan through prayer. Here He is a supreme being with a master plan that has lasted through eternity and you want to change it? He is supposed to be omniscient ... so why mess with his plan? Just do what you are told and don't ask questions. Free will only works when you do what you're supposed to!

Noah's Ark ... well, I would have to say that would be one very large boat! It would make the Titanic look like a rowboat!

Maybe Beetles won't mess with His master plan, so He made more of them than us!

Hurts when you pee? I'd say that could be a couple of things but I suggest you practice safe sex.

I hope this helps!

P.S. Don't take this answer seriously!

Why can't I tune into FM station over cable?


Question:
Hi Mike,

I used to be able to tune in FM stations over cable. Starting a couple of days ago, I've been unable to do so. Any idea why this has happened?

Thanks

Ted (Jr)
Posted: Ted Rogers Jan 9 2007 4:58PM

Answer:
It is a conspiracy by your company "Rogers Cable". Your employees have decided that they are taking over the company and would like to make way for satellite radio.

What are your plans and aspirations for the new year?


Question:
Hi Mike!



What are your plans and aspirations for the new year?
Posted: Your youngest bro Jan 9 2007 11:16PM

Answer:
My goal for this year is to make "funner" a real word. If you look at the question about "irregardless", you'll see that this nonsensical word has made it to the dictionary since everyone was using it as a real word. "Funner" makes much more sense as a word than "irregardless". So, please start using this word! I expect to see it in the Oxford dictionary in 2008.

Where can I get a good comparison of the different computer processors?


Question:
Hi Mike,


I'd like to do a comparison of some of the various processors, and was wondering if you knew where I could compare them. It's getting very difficult for me since there are many to choose from.


Thanks
Posted: Bill Gates Dec 28 2006 6:32PM

Answer:
Here is a site that lists the different processors and gives benchmarks. Take a look:

http://www23.tomshardware.com/cpu.html

I hope that helps!

What has happened to Juan?


Question:
What has happened to Juan?
Posted: Tone Loc Dec 19 2006 8:31PM

Answer:
If you are talking about the number, it still precedes 2 and 3.

If you are talking about Juan Carlos, he is the reigning King of Spain.

If you are talking about Don Juan - he's fictional.

If you are talking about Valdez, he's sitting on his mule in Columbia selling coffee.

If you are talking about the guy that asked about you on December 15, he's back from Cuba with several amusing stories to tell.

Am I contributing to international crime?


Question:
Am I contributing to international crime & smuggling if I suggest that Tony carve faces on each cigar and declare them as miniature totem poles?
Posted: Mom Dec 18 2006 1:44PM

Answer:
Yes, but Tony is looking for methods to commit International crime. He has already decided to commit a crime - we are just helping him to not get caught!

Note to authorities: these ideas are purely for entertainment purposes! Please do not arrest Tony as he would never do anything immoral or illegal.

How do I bring cigars back from Cuba?


Question:
What's the best way to bring beach-purchased cigars back home from Cuba?
Posted: Red Faced Tony Dec 17 2006 8:48AM

Answer:
Several options here:

1) Stick them in the bag of the person in front of you. When you get to customs, beat up a customs offical, take their uniform, then confiscate the cigars from the other person

2) Unroll the cigars and put the tobacco in (unlubricated) condoms. Swallow the condoms and transport safely past customs. When it passes through your digestive system, open the condoms and re-roll the cigars.

3) Go to the old, close-to-retirement customs offical and offer him a cigar. He will be so happy, that he will allow the other cigars to pass through.

Why is there a cut-off time for planes to arrive in Pearson airport?


Question:
Why is there a cut-off time for planes to arrive in YYZ? (Pearson airport)

I think it's 2:30 AM

Thanks
Posted: Tone Loc Dec 17 2006 8:46AM

Answer:
No idea and no funny/witty answer. Sorry, I'm such a failure :(

How fast would Carole need to drive her scooter to clear a two step drop?


Question:
How fast would Carole need to drive her scooter in order to successfully clear a two step drop? (approximately 16 inches) We need an answer soon, as her first attempt was unsuccessful.


Posted: Pedro Dec 15 2006 9:08PM

Answer:
LOL - I can't wait to hear this story!

I think you should modify the motor slightly to give a faster take off speed. An unmodified scooter would have difficulty achieving this feat which Carole has so optimistically attempted. Also, you should consider getting her a helmet!

What has happened to Tone Loc?


Question:
What has happened to Tone Loc? (the rapper)
Posted: Juan Dec 15 2006 9:05PM

Answer:
I'll answer this question with two questions:

1) how did you get Internet access in Cuba ?

2) why are you wasting your vacation posting silly questions? :)

I hope you're having fun!!

What is the recipe for Christmas candy?


Question:
Could you tell me the recipe for the much-loved Christmas candy?
Posted: Jack Witherspoon Dec 14 2006 11:37AM

Answer:
Well, I could use the old and tired phrase, "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you" but a) I don't know the recipe and b) it wouldn't be very funny. Christmas candy is a much sought-after commodity in this family. It is so good and addictive, that it has now been branded "Christmas crack" by the Sandman. We even recieved a parcel from Halifax with a batch of it and an e-mail beforehand saying "the crack is on its way" (I wonder if the RCMP have a tap on their phone line now).

Christmas candy tastes like a Skor bar, but much, much better. To prepare it, three separate people are involved. They each have a combination to one of three vaults. Each vault contains one part of the recipe. When one third of the preparation is done, the next person steps in to do their part. So, no one actually knows the recipe - it is as strongly-guarded as the Colonel's recipe!

Is it true that it's only the left-handed people who are in their right minds?


Question:
Is it true that it's only the left-handed people who are in their right minds?
Posted: Shtefick Dec 10 2006 7:47PM

Answer:
I think you are trying to say that left handed people are half-wits. Why would you insult such a large group of people?

Is it me?


Question:
Mike,

My girlfriend say's it's her not me, but I have a feeling it's me. How can I find out for sure?
Posted: George Dec 10 2006 1:13PM

Answer:
Yes, it's you - it's ALWAYS you. You should just deal with it and realize you are just not "boyfriend material".

Where did I leave my keys?


Question:
Where did I leave my keys?

Thanks
Posted: Ted Dec 10 2006 1:11PM

Answer:
You left them at an embarassing place. I could tell you online, in front of the whole world, but I think it would be more prudent to tell you in private to save you and your family from a lot of embarassment.

How do Canadians afford to live when they get taxed up the wazoo?


Question:
How do Canadians afford to live when they get taxed up the wazoo?
Posted: Amy Eric Anne Dec 9 2006 10:30PM

Answer:
The "wazoo tax" has not been implemented yet. We still need to vote on it. We can afford to live just fine.

How do I answer "Does this make me look fat"?


Question:
I have a similar question as a previous question. When someone asks "Do these jeans make me look fat?" is it acceptable to say "no, your ass makes you look fat?" The response I usually get is not a good one. Isn't honesty the best policy?
Posted: Honest Joe Dec 9 2006 11:21AM

Answer:
I think, in your case, Tae Kwon Do is the best policy. If you answer in this manner, you will need to defend yourself. Women today are stronger and more fit, so you will need to be prepared for physical assault!

What is the right response when your wife asks you 'Do I look fat?'


Question:
What is the right response when your wife asks you "Do I look fat?"
Posted: Hubby Hapeelee Dec 8 2006 8:25PM

Answer:
The answer to any appearance-related question from your wife is "you look absolutely perfect!" (in the case of my wife, this happens to be true - oh, what brownie points!)

What can I do about my shop-a-holic wife?


Question:
My wife is a shop-a-holic ... what can I do?
Posted: Sandman Dec 8 2006 12:53PM

Answer:
This is an easy one. When she leaves to go shopping, report all your credit cards as being stolen. After she is detained a few times, she'll decide that it is not that much fun after all.

If she catches on to this and begins to pay with cash, make a deal with her, for every item she buys you will get one free 'geek' T-shirt. That will definitely cure her!

P.S. My wife has the exact same affliction!

Who is God?


Question:
Hi Mike,

Just a quick question:

Who is God and what does He want from us?
Posted: Mark Davies Dec 7 2006 9:51PM

Answer:
Wow, a serious question! It's going to be difficult to come up with a sarcastic, smart-alec response to this one.

Well, 'Who is God?' Many philosophers and theologians have tried to tackle this question. I think to ask another human being who God is, is an irrelevant question because we all filter things we see, learn, hear, etc. through a layer of perception. So, a more suitable question would be "Who is God to you?" I'm guessing that you actually want to know the answer to this question, so my opinion is irrelevant. This forum is really meant for light-hearted questions, but my answer to you is to figure out who God is to YOU. I would do this by reading many differing opinons on this matter. Read about Christians, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, etc. Ask yourself why they each strongly believe what they do , and yet they are mostly conflicting beliefs (with each other). Then, you can come up with your own opinion based on what makes the most sense.

As to what God wants from us, you will need to decide that for yourself as well. Depending on how you define God, this answer will be very different.

You should also check out religious-based sites that deal heavily with these subjects.

Good luck!

Why do people use the word 'irregardless'?


Question:
Why do people use the word "irregardless".


Posted: Clark Dec 7 2006 6:38PM

Answer:
The short answer is that because so many people are using this 'term', that it is actually becoming a word.

Well, if you would like a long(er), more thorough description, view this Wikipedia article.

Some highlights:

  • ...irrespective and regardless...By blending these words, an illogical word is created.
  • Irregardless seems to be moving slowly in the direction of standardization. It has gone from nonexistence in the 1910 publication of Etymological Dictionary of the English Language, to being a normality in modern dictionary publications, and it frequently occurs in edited professional prose.
  • irregardless has become a common entry in dictionaries and usage reference books

How does the Internet work?


Question:
Hi Mike,

Thanks for setting up this Q and A section.

I wonder if you could tell me how the internet works. I understand that it's a series of tubes... But perhaps you could explain it further.

Thanks

Posted: Art Vandelay Dec 7 2006 5:21PM

Answer:
Thank you for your question, Art.


The Internet works as a series of servers (powerful computers) that connect to each other through wires and a protocol (language) called TCP/IP. It displays content on web pages as HTML (another language). It can be done statically (i.e. the HTML page is created as a document similar to how a Microsoft Word document is created) or dynamically (by a program on the server that creates the HTML document 'on the fly'.

Nowadays, the Internet can do all this magic without tubes! I'm sure there are some old supercomputers out there somewhere that have tubes instead of transistors, but the Internet can continue to exist once these dinosaurs become extinct. If you are talking about the 'tubes' that connect one computer to another, they are not tubes - they are pipes and sockets.

The Internet was invented by Al Gore. Today he is very busy ridding the world of the Global Warming problem so he does not have time to help out with Web 2.0.

Now, don't forget the important reasons to use the Internet:

  1. to send e-mails to other people that say you MUST forward this to everyone you know
  2. to use your time effectively while you are at work, pretending to do something else
  3. to blog (synonymous with 'rant') about people and things that you are angry about
  4. to share hundreds of pictures of your cat
  5. to view the latest starlets in embarassing poses

I hope this was useful and informative!

Why do I get spam and how do I avoid it?


Question:
Why do I get spam and how do I avoid it?
Posted: Mari-Lynn Dec 7 2006 2:57PM

Answer:
Good question. You get spam for a few reasons:

1) Low-lifes with too much time on their hands think they can make a few bucks by sending this junk to hundreds of thousands (even millions) of people

2) One out of a thousand people actually click on a link or buy a product because of one of these spam messages

3) Another low-life at some point got and probably sold your e-mail address to a spammer

4) If you own a domain (eg. mikemartonfi.com), these low-lifes can try to guess e-mail addresses such as coolguy@mikemartonfi.com

5) You may have posted to a website/blog/newsgroup using your real e-mail address. Spammers treat this as gold




How do you prevent it?



1) Under no circumstances should you ever buy something from a spam message

2) Under no circumstances should you click a link from a spam message because often there is a pay-per-click scheme where these guys get paid for referring you to a site. Also, if you click a link, it may have an embedded code specifically for your e-mail address. This means that when you click the link, it proves that your e-mail address is legitimate.

3) Ask one thousand people if they have ever bought something from a spam e-mail. When you find the one person, for the benefit of us all, please slap him/her in the face as hard as you can. When they give you a shocked look, punch them in the face as hard as you can

4) Use filters. Most Internet Service Providers have good filtering systems. You can block words such as Viagra, Cialis, etc. but beware - spammers adapt to these filters and misspell words purposely to bypass the filters. They also add spaces (or other characters) to potentially flagged words (eg. V_I_A_G_R_A).

5) Be very cautious about who you give your real e-mail address to. ISPs now have temporary e-mail addresses that you can use to post on a blog (or wherever) and if you get a lot of spam on that e-mail address, you can simply delete it (the e-mail address).

6) If you know someone who is a spammer (doubtful, since these guys are usually anti-social hermits), please shoot him

7) If you are a spammer yourself, please shoot yourself


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