Actual Martonfi Quotes (Only Funny to Us Really)

Let's go see this movie - "OO-TRA-GOOSE"In the 70's, there was a movie called "Outrageous!". My father, being from Croatia, tried to pronounce it phonetically.
Koreen's MS team has raised almost $5925!LOL. I was going to tell my brother that my wife's team had raised almost $6000 but then I looked up the actual amount just as I was typing it in MSN Messenger and entered the actual amount '$5925' . So, he must've thought 'Oh ya, they raised $5924.98?'.
Can I bring anything for Christmas Eve? Ya, how about my birthday present?!My brother, trying to be nice, asked my Grandmother if he could bring anything for her when he comes over for Christmas Eve. My Grandmother (upset that he didn't get her a birthday present) slapped him in the face with this retort!
ArchibaldThe last two times my parents we were in Ohio, Nicholas (my two year old nephew) kept trying to say basketball but it sounded more like "archiball' so ever since then my dad has been calling him Archibald. He is stuck with it now.
Missy pissy / Lousy Anna / MiseryMy dad's way of (mis)pronouncing Mississippi/Louisianna/Missouri
You look good today. Do you have more makeup on?I said this to my girlfriend. She wasn't mad about it at all, we both laughed after we realized what I said. She was 'done up' because her family was coming over for dinner and I thought she looked nice. (She always looks nice). I didn't mean "you look nice because you buried your face in makeup."
Coffee with REGULAR milkWhen my father orders coffee, he always specifies it with ´regular´ milk. This usually confuses the waiter/waitress. I think he simply means milk as opposed to cream, but no one really knows what ´regular´ milk is!
I´m Friday.My dad´s sarcastic response to "I´m thirsty!"
Q: What are you eating? A: It´s called ´Eat it or Else!´I went to my grandmother´s for lunch. My grandmother always sends food home with me. When I got home, Koreen (my girlfriend) asked indignantly, "Why did you bring home food??? Our fridge is full! Now we will have to throw food out!". Later that day, I was eating some of the food that my grandmother sent with me and Koreen asked, "What are you eating?". I responded with "It´s called ´Eat it or Else!!!´.
Fly SlaughterWhat my dad calls a 'fly swatter'
It's where you left it!My dad's sarcastic response to the question "Where's my …(fill in the blank with any object)".
Man Without a HeadThat's what my dad calls 'Man Without a Face'
Fried Green PotatoesThat's what my dad calls 'Fried Green Tomatoes'
[Mom] This car is me! [Me] What? Old and broken down?My mother had just bought a (very) used, old Mercedes. She invited her friend to come over and see it. In the car, my mother exclaimed 'Oh, I love it - this car is me!'. I said, 'What, old and broken down?'
That's an interesting accent. Where are you from? Kahn-a-duh!My father was at a dinner theater one time. The host picked my father out of the audience and started talking to him. He noticed my father's thick , Croatian accent and asked where he was from. In the thick accent, my father responded "Canada". Everyone was killing themselves laughing.
When are you going to get married?My Grandfather has been asking me that since I was 16 years old!
You want mushrooms in your hot chocolate?I was drinking hot chocolate at my grandparent's house one time. My grandfather asked me if I wanted mushrooms in it. I asked, "mushrooms?". He said, "Ya, ya, mushrooms. It's very good". I knew he meant marshmallows but I played with him for a couple of minutes.
Mah, for who I making?Sometimes we would go over to my grandparent's and my Grandmother would ask us if we wanted anything to eat. We would say "no" over and over again but she insisted on making us something. When she was finished making it, she called us to eat. We said, "we told you were not hungry" and she would say "For who I making?" (Who am I making it for?). This happened several times.
Go home fatso.One year we went to visit my uncle in Windsor. My mother kept complaining about how fat she was getting. Everyone reassured her over and over again that she wasn't fat. When we were leaving, my uncle said, "Ya, go home fatso!". LOL He was joking.
Shut The Front Door (more creatively and with emotion)My brother for Christmas one year started saying "Shut the front door" as an expression that makes you think he was going to say something else (bad words). My mother got word of this. She thought it was amusing (even though she's a very conservative born again Christian). She had company over and wanted to use it in front of them. She said it loudly and emotionally, except she said the "bad" words accidentally instead. My mother never swears and this company was a very conservative, born again couple. Everyone was laughing really hard for about 10 minutes (except the company that thought we were all nuts).
It's right in front of your nossWhen we would be looking for something and we'd ask my father where it was, he'd say "It's right in front of your noss (nose)."
Goot MorrrningMispronunciation of "good morning".
Just a lillibetCroatians often say "lilibet" for "little bit".
Call Herbie to shoot Grandma.When I was very young, I got mad at my Grandmother one time. Herbie was my mother's accountant. We (the kids) were very afraid of him because we thought he was mean. So, I said, "Call Herbie to shoot Grandma".
Such a good man - no smoking, no drinking, so sympatiqueMy Grandmother's criteria for being a good man - "doesn't smoke, doesn't drink". I still don't know what sympatique means.
You posed to not.Meaning "You're not supposed to".
Are you going to have nishtavatsa for supper?"Nishtavatsa" means "nothing". My Grandfather would joke that we were going to have "nishtavatsa" for supper. Initially, we didn't know what it meant. We thought it was a type of food.
Do you memember?Croatians often mispronounce remember as "memember".
ShaddapMispronunciation of "Shut up!"
GerrrapMispronunciation of "Get up!"
You need to rested.Meaning "You need to rest". Another example of incorrect tense of the word.
I thought I going died.Meaning "I thought I was going to die". Another example of incorrect tense of the word.
Likea, likea, likea …When my grandmother was trying to come up with a simile, she'd say "like a…", "like a...", "like a…". She'd say it fairly quickly though, "likea, likea, likea …". Often when we were trying to come up with our own similes, we'd mimic this phrase.
Go aya ayaIt means "go to sleep". I'm not sure where it came from.
Ya, ya!Just a silly way of answering 'yes' to a question.
Don't eat if it's hot.This is something my Grandmother used to always say when she served us a meal. What were we supposed to do, starve?
Merry Christmoose!Croatian way of mispronouncing Christmas.
Put him down!I'd rather not explain. (I should've said "I'd rather not explain" to most of these LOL. Don't worry, it's not sexual.)
Sveety, Vat heppened?"Sweety" is mispronounce as "sveety", "what" as "vat" and "happened" as "heppened"
Don't forgot!Meaning "don't forget". Croatians often get their tenses wrong.
Denny or Denny - what's the difference?My father can't hear the difference between "Denny" or "Danny". When my brother Dan (or Danny) was young, he got mad at my dad for calling him "Denny". He said "My name's Dan or Danny!". My Dad answered "Denny or Denny, what's the difference?"
She's a nice girhulCroatians often mispronounce "girl" as "girhul"
Kontifi fry shickunWhen I was 9 years old, we had a french foreign exchange student come visit us. He pronounced "Kentucky Fried Chicken", "Kontifi fry shickun". We've been saying it that way ever since.
You're getting your bachelor of Arts? Why? Do you want to be an artist?This is what my father said to my brother when he said he wanted to go for a B.A.
Know that you know that you knowSomething my mother says all the time meaning "100% certain"
As soon as is possible.It's supposed to be "as soon as possible". My father says the phrase "as soon as is possible"
Thanks God.A common way Croatians say 'Thank God"
I don't vant penality and I not going to pay penalityMy Grandmother was talking to someone on the phone about a misunderstanding where she had to pay a penalty. She mispronounced 'penalty' as 'penality'.
$75 for a piece of plastic?My Grandfather and I went to an optometrist's office and he saw a pair of plastic eyeglasses that were $75. This was about 25 years ago and it was very expensive at the time. My Grandfather couldn't believe it and he loudly exclaimed "$75 for a piece of plastic?"
You should be a cartoon characterI said this to my mother one time because she was so animated.
[Steve]I'm going to Glenn's for Dinner [Mike] Pardon? [Steve] Da Dee Duh Dum blah blah blah [Mike] Oh, you're going to Glenn's for dinner?This was an actual conversation my younger brother and I had. I said 'what?' before my brain had processed what he said, even though I heard him. He didn't want to repeat himself and it wasn't that important, so he just mumbled some gibberish. I then said, "Oh" and repeated what he said originally. It was pretty funny.
Do you really vant to hurrrt me? (song to the tune 'Do you really want to hurt me?' in a hungarian accent while driving past a building that says 'Hungarian Culture Club')My younger brother and I were driving past a sign that said "Hungarian Culture Club". Spontaneously, he started singing this in a hungarian accent. It was hillarious. For those that don't know, "The Culture Club" was a band in the 80's that sang a song "Do you really want to hurt me?"
Never heared of itMy father's way of saying "Never heard of it". He thinks the past-tense of 'hear' is 'heared'.
Here comes the broadA play on "Here comes the bride".
How yourselfA greeting. When someone says, "How are you doing?". The answer is "How yourself?". Don't ask me to interpret beyond that. LOL
Shut up or get outThis was said to my younger brother by my father one time.
You better to don't!Meaning "You better not!"
Now you may kiss the broad.A play on words of "Now you may kiss the bride"
If you have no enemies, your mother will give birth to one.This one is self-explanatory. A relative was upset at his brother when he made this remark.
I'm going to step on your head.My dad would get impatient if we walked in front of him when we were kids. He'd say "I'm going to step on your head!". Nice, eh?
Liar!My Grandfather used to think everyone was lying all the time. He asked us once if we had supper already. We said yes. He asked where we had supper. We said at home. He yelled "Liar!". My friend was there and he laughed so hard. Ever since we mockingly yell it whenever we don't believe someone.
Are you feeling OK?When someone was happy and singing to themselves, my dad would say, "Are you feeling ok?".
Are you hard on hearing?My dad getting the phrase "Are you hard of hearing?" wrong.
Don't do it and you won't have to be sorry (after someone says sorry)My Grandfather's response after someone says sorry for something they're really not sorry for.
I used to ALWAYS exaggerateMy brother and I were talking about people that exaggerate. He said 'I used to always exaggerate'. I laughed, isn't that statement an exaggeration itself?
Byutful (for Beautiful)The way my Grandmother pronounced 'beautiful'.
You pee like a woman?My twin brother asking my younger brother why he sits on the toilet to pee.
Candyworst (Means Aspirin)A term my twin and I came up with as babies meaning Aspirin. We got it from a TV commercial that said "Pain can be worse". We interpreted "can be worse" as "Candyworst"
Denimikostivi ( 3 names in 1 - Danny, Michael, Stevie)My Grandmother called my brother Deni (his name is Dan or Danny). She called me Miko (I'm Mike or Michael). She called my younger brother Stivi (his name is Steve or Stevie). When calling all 3 of us, she would call out "Denimikostivi". This stuff is too funny to make up!
Go Shtef.My dad was always hurrying my yonger brother. His name is Steve, but my dad called him "Shtef"
Speak now or forever hold your piss. (Before a long car trip)My dad said this one time before a very long car trip. It's a play on "Speak now or forever hold your peace".
Ala!A term my grandmother would use when something surprised her.
Well halloo (hello) thereThe way my father greets someone.
So, what do you want - a medal?Whenever someone would boast to my dad, this would be his sarcastic response.
Allo (for Hello)The way my dad would pronounce 'Hello"
AmuuuuuusingMy dad would stretch out the word 'Amusing' - his own way of being 'amusing'.
Vat is funny?Sometimes when were laughing as kids, my paranoid (for lack of a better term) Grandparents would think we were laughing at them and say "Vat is funny?" (What is funny)
Go you vay right avayMispronounciation of "Go away right away", meaning "Get lost"
Vould you believe tess?Mispronounciation of "Would you believe this?"
Happy BirrzzdayMy father and Grandmother both mispronounce Birthday as "Birzzday"
Hey Shtef, knock off the music. (For the record, his name is Steve and he's now a musician.)My dad used to call my brother "Shtef". His name's Steve. When he would play the piano, my dad would be intolerant at times and he would say "Knock off the music"
What am I, your personal slave? (When asked to pass the salt!)My father wanted to teach us to be independent. He would always say "What am I your personal slave?. One time, I asked him if he could pass the salt and that's how he responded. I guess he wanted me to reach past his dinner to get it.
A stork brought me (when asked 'where did you come from?')My dad's sarcastic response when someone asked him "Where did you come from?"
From a hardware store (when asked 'where did you get that?')My dad's sarcastic response when someone asked him "Where did you get that?"
From a butcher shop (when asked 'where did you get that?')My dad's sarcastic response when someone asked him "Where did you get that?"
Kouchava muttera (sp?)A phrase my Grandmother used to say when she was angry. I still don't know what it means!
You guys wouldn't want to mow the lawn, would you? (reverse psychology)My dad heard the term "reverse psychology". He didn't really understand how it worked, but when he wanted us to mow the lawn, he'd say "You guys wouldn't want to mow the lawn, would you?". It didn't work very well! LOL
Kviet and that's it!As kids, when we slept over at my Grandparent's house and we were making too much noise at bedtime, my Grandfather would come into the room and say "Kviet (Quiet) and that's it!"
It's not a piano!When we were kids and we surfed the channels on the remote control, my Grandmother would say, "Stop! It's not a piano"
He must be a gearbox.My dad's term for homosexuals.
Stick it in the microwaywawaMy Grandmother couldn't say microwave properly.
No, it's not a board game - it's a fun game.My Grandmother told me she got me a game for my birthday. I asked her 'Is it a board game?'. She said 'No, it's not a bored game, it's a good game'
Mike, slap his face.When my Grandfather was upset at my younger brother one time, he told me to slap his face since he knew my mother wouldn't allow him to adminster corporal punishment.
Everybody rouse.An expression my dad used to say when he wanted everyone to leave. I think it comes from German.
Oxygen doesn't go to the brain!My dad was helping my younger brother with his homework. My brother was talking about oxygen to the brain. My dad said, 'Oxygen doesn't go to the brain!'. I guess he missed that day in public school.
OK, you don't lie, you just don't tell the truth.My mother and Grandmother were arguing one time. My Grandmother called my mother a liar. My mother said, "I never lie!". My Grandmother said, "OK, you don't lie you just don't tell the truth!"
Everybody in their own beds!When we were young (like about 8 years old) and were making a lot of noise past our bedtimes, my dad would come into the room and say ´Everyone in their own beds´. My brother, being the wise-guy would joke, ´No I think I´ll sleep in Mike´s bed tonight and he´ll sleep in mine´.
So, what's new? - Same vat (sic) is old.When I was about 16 years old, I asked my grandfather what was new. I don't know if he was trying to be funny, but his answer (in a Croatian accent) was 'Same vat is old' (same what is old), meaining nothing has changed.