Continuing my theme of grief (this will probably be my last one on this theme. I can't dwell on this sadness), I'd like to share some more observations. What I'm discovering is that I'm not only grieving the loss of my wife as she was when she died, but also as she was several years ago. When I think about it, I wonder why I wasn't grieving that loss when it happened. In other words, why was I not sad about the loss of my companion from five years ago ever since she progressed to the point where she could no longer be that person? We could no longer travel or even go out for dinner (without bringing an assistant which was usually impractical). She could no longer converse or laugh the way she used to. She could not even bring me a glass of water. All of these things ended four years ago (or thereabouts). So, was I upset the whole time? The answer is no and I think the reason has to do with compromise.
I've come to realize that life is far from perfect. People are far from perfect. I'm definitely far from perfect. When we expect these things to be perfect, I think we set ourselves up for heartbreak. So, concerning Koreen, I didn't dwell on the sadness of losing her as she was when I met her, because I still had some fraction of that person. That was the compromise. I didn't have 100% Koreen but I had 50%. Even though it was a loss, I didn't really feel it until now. Now I'm sad about losing both Koreens - the one I knew several years ago and the one from a few weeks ago. Now is when I'm thinking about all the fun things we used to do together. I look at pictures of her smiling and think, "wow, it's been a long time since I saw that person."
I guess the moral is still the same - to not take things for granted. Enjoy your time on earth. Enjoy your time with the people close to you. Enjoy all that you have because you will not have it forever. Submitted 6/26/2014 8:07:34 PMComment (0)