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The Paradox of Grief


As mentioned in my previous blog entry, I've just suffered a devastating event - the loss of my wife. Among other things, it has forced me to be philosophical. In my sadness, I'm contemplating many questions. One of the main questions I'm considering is if my life has been made better or worse through my entire relationship with my wife, Koreen. If I could forget that Koreen ever existed, what would the effect be? Of course, if that happened, my current pain and grief would disappear. So, would I want that? The answer is a definite 'no'. Why wouldn't I want that? My pain would be gone! This leads us to the paradox. The reason I'm currently sad is because of the happiness that Koreen brought to my life. In other words, my past happiness is causing the sadness. Another way to say it is that you cannot know sadness without knowing happiness and vice versa. The net effect of having Koreen in my life has been much happiness.

Flipping it around, my current sadness will make any future happy times that much better. Pain, loss and grief are a big part of life. If we "roll with the punches" and realize that both bad times and good times are temporary, it helps us enjoy the good times and get through the bad times.

I'm thankful for my friends and family. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to face and without good people around me, it would be impossible.
Submitted  6/21/2014 2:22:44 PM
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