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Funny Things People Have Said To Me

  • 21 is too young to invest.
  • Don’t sleep on your stomach (speaking to a man) - it's bad for your ovaries.
  • IBM? I think I've heard of them.
  • What would a 16 year old guy be doing with a 21 year old woman?
  • Your birthday is in July? When's Dan's (my twin brother) birthday?
  • We should go on the Jerry Springer show.
  • I'm not that impressed with the Internet. I think it's over-rated.
  • Your mother wrote an autobiography? Who's it about?
  • I just don't understand this game - why are there so many balls? (At a Harlem Globe Trotters game while they were practicing)
  • I'm in London at the moment. You'll have to go through email for now. I could call you later today, your time. (wouldn't it be later in both time zones?)
  • You just have one twin brother? (Wouldn't we be triplets if I had 2?)
  • It's 20 below with the windshield factor (uh, don't you mean wind-chill?)
  • I'm not fat - I have big bones. (Really, how did you get that round bone in your stomach?)
  • There won't be any unforeseen problems (How do you know? They're unforeseen)
  • "mi casa es su casa" - That's Spanish, right? No, it's mexican.
  • Is that the only problem? (This was in response to us bringing a key back because it was too fat to fit into the keyhole. If we can´t fit it into the hole, how would we know if there are other problems with it???)
  • I´m the only smart one in my family. (This comment was made from someone that certainly was NOT the smartest in their family!)
  • "Know one is perfect". I read this in an article that was giving advice on how to program in ASP.Net. It should be "No one is perfect". I guess his statement is self-explanatory - that no one is perfect.
  • Your kids need to watch more TV so they can speak better. (This was said by someone that has lived in Canada for 40 years, watches TV constantly and speaks very poor English.)
  • Hey! There's the woman that gave me the memory test! What's her name? ... Hmmm, I can't remember.
  • A bird is not an animal!
  • I just did you a HUGE favour by not asking you to help me.
  • I have a real zeal for prostitues! (This was said to me many years ago by a 16 year-old born again Christian who meant that he loved converting them to Christianity and getting them off the streets.)
  • I haven't read a book since High School (said by a 32 year-old woman).
  • Person 1:That shirt makes me look horrible! Person 2: It's not the shirt!
  • I'd like some homemade biscuits - I think I'll get some Pillsbury ones.
  • "Why does it say your name is Mark?" This was said to me when someone was trying to add me as a contact on Flickr. It wanted to know the nature of our friendship (if we were family or friends). It asked the question "Mark as a friend / Mark as family"
  • So, he died after going for an angiogram? Did he sue after?
  • You were born in Toronto? Where was your twin brother born?
  • I only eat bacon and eggs once a day (said by someone that is on a strict diet).
  • Answer to "Did you read that article about memory?" - "I don't remember."
  • Person 1: A bird is not an animal Person 2: Well, what is it, then? Person 1: I don't know, but it's not an animal. (I think this person meant that a bird is not a mammal).
  • They shouldn't have used hydrogen - they should have used a lighter gas . (Hmmm, does the periodic table have an element below element 1?)
  • Wow, you guys are still awake? You must be tired! (Said to me and my wife at 5 after midnight by an 18 year old girl - "Eh, speak into the horn!" - We're not that old!)
  • "I can't believe how many people punch in '2-0-0' into the microwave when they want two minutes. " When my brother and I said, "Well, how long do you think 200 is?" He/she said 200 seconds. He/she didn't believe that 1:59 came after 2:00 and had to go to the microwave to check it out. *Edit* - my brother wanted me to add that this was a person that has used a microwave for 35 years - not a little kid.
  • "... And there are no negative effects from the procedure" "Somebody died" "That's not a negative effect!"
  • "it's not called 'forgetfulness', it's called... Ummm... Not 'forgetfulness'... Umm"
  • How do I get to Google? (the website) - asked by a daily computer user in the year 2012!
  • "That's a risky investment", "Well, I won't stay in it very long, I'll just triple or quadruple my money, and then sell right away". (Hmmm, why didn't anyone else think of that?)
  • "I'm a Virgo, we're skeptical by nature." (Really? But not about Astrology?!)